Son’s Addiction Is Awakening for Entire Family
Having years of sobriety under his belt didn’t prepare Tim for dealing with his son Toby’s alcohol and other drug addiction – or his own issues. Twenty-three years earlier, his wife, Debby, pulled the car out of the driveway with their two children in the back seat swearing never to return unless Tim stopped drinking. He quit the next day.
Fast forward a couple of decades, and here Tim was, sitting in his son’s treatment center during family week ready to have a nervous breakdown. “The counselor looked at me and told me I was a dry drunk,” recalls Tim. “It made me so angry, but later it hit me: I’ve been sober but never really worked on my issues.”
Tim, Debby and Toby
Son Toby’s drinking began at age 14 when he and a friend would sneak alcohol from his parents’ liquor cabinet. (Despite Tim’s sobriety, the family still kept alcohol in the house for guests). Over the next few years Toby continued to drink and experiment with other drugs, but his life went on normally, with friends, girlfriends and sports – partially because, according to Toby, he avoided the consequences at his private boarding school. “I thought, ‘Hey, I can get away with this and have a good time,” he says.
But college was a different matter. Toby played football and was soon sidelined with injuries – injuries that freed him up to drink heavily and experiment with more drugs. Then Toby dropped out of school and went home. He chalked his problems up to depression, and despite his parents’ best efforts to help him, his drinking continued to accelerate.
After about a year, at his parents’ insistence, Toby moved into his own apartment. He continued to drink and use other drugs. His life was out of control. “I was miserable and wanted to die,” said Toby. “I was just about to give up on myself and go home, and my dad showed up on my doorstep.”
Later that day, the family made a phone call to a treatment center in the Midwest, and Toby was headed there on a plane the next day. But he wasn’t ready to call it quits with the drugs. “I had a whole bottle of prescription anti-depressants and I took 25 of them before they searched my bag at the treatment center,” recalls Toby. “Next thing I knew I was having a seizure and was surrounded by EMTs and nurses, but I still didn’t think I had a problem.”
Despite the shaky beginning and years of denial, Toby found sobriety during his residential treatment program and opened the door to a new life with his family, who came out for family week to support and educate themselves about his newfound sobriety.
“When I was using, my sister hated me and my brother couldn’t help me,” Toby says. “Before treatment and sobriety, I was a liar, a cheat, and a thief. I wasn’t raised to be those things, but it’s what I became.”
Toby now has two years of sobriety and has recently enrolled in college to finish his education. And he’s enjoying a much better relationship with his family. “I’m happy. We’re so much closer than we were,” says Toby.
And Tim? He’s been seeing a therapist about his issues and feelings ever since that day two years ago at his son’s treatment center. “It was an awakening for me. I was fine, but the last two years have been so much better as I’ve been able to work through things.”
Debby’s thrilled, too. “When I told a friend who had seen her own son go through treatment about Toby getting help, she said, ‘You’re going to get a better boy back’ and that’s what we have – a better boy,” she says.
And she’s proud of her husband’s growth, too. “We learned in treatment that the disease is one of mind, body and spirit, and that Tim’s mind and spirit had been ignored. We’re all so much more open now about emotional things and our family is getting better and better,” she said.
Toby, Tim and Debby also shared their story on “Good Morning America” Oct. 8. Watch the video.